Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sis Thomas Does The Prayer Requests



 Disclaimer: Sister Thomas has been appointed the Prayer Request Liaison by the good, right Bishop. Pastor ask you to forward your complaints to him directly.
 

Oh, Father which art in Heaven, I ask you to ignore most of these pointless prayer request that I’m about to tell you.

Sis. Bonita Jackson is asking for a good father for her kids. Considering that half of the Usher and Deacon Board are responsible for them demons, I’m pretty sure she means to ask you for a man she hasn’t tainted yet. She’s been eyeing the Minister of Music and she’s wasting her time. We all know he’s in love with the Pastor’s son.

Bro Terrell Holmes is asking for leniency during his parole violation hearing. I don’t know what sympathy he’s looking for Jesus, he would rob a mannequin if his dumb ass thought it had money. He tried to rob me but didn’t expect me to go all Crouching Tiger Hidden Negro on him. Heal him slowly for that Lord.

Mother Mary is standing in the gap for her great-great granddaughter whose about to give birth at the tender age of 17. Her mother is 30 and her grandmother is 45. All these hoes need to be beat within an inch of their lives. Teach them a new hobby Lord, cause collecting magic sticks seems to be their favorite past time.

Little Ray-Ray won the spelling bee for his class and he would like to thank you Lord for giving him the knowledge to learn his spelling words. He wears a helmet and he’s cross-eyed and the only one who spelled RED right without falling off the stage or peeing in his pants. God bless his retarded ass anyway.

We ask you right now Lord help out with the Ladies Auxiliary Board fundraiser to the Holy Land. This group of bitter tricks really work my nerves Lord. They want me to contribute and if I tell them hell no they catch attitude and then my trigger finger starts to itch cause they be trying to test my hypotenuse. So I ask you Lord to handle them for me before I locate my guardian angels, Smith & Wesson.

You know my heart Lord,

Amen.

2 comments: